


Sorrow in Your Smile

by WhiteCrane



Category: Noli Me Tangere & Related Works - José Rizal
Genre: Character Death, Grief/Mourning, Heavy Angst, M/M, Sad Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-30
Updated: 2019-03-30
Packaged: 2019-12-26 17:56:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18287351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhiteCrane/pseuds/WhiteCrane
Summary: Crisostomo mourns Elias.





	Sorrow in Your Smile

**Author's Note:**

> This is one of my gifts for my dude, Linfred. He likes angst so I wrote this one for him, next will be happy because damn it Elibarra needs happy endings TvT
> 
> Happy Birthday Linfred~ Hope you enjoy!
> 
> Elias is basically a soldier on this one ^^ I'll finish the others one and forgive me for any mistakes and forgive me for this being not good enough aishh ;') 
> 
> Still, enjoy this!

_"Do you love the world?"_

Crisostomo clutched the only belonging of his beloved he was able to grasp, the  _salakot_ tightly embraced to his chest. The lonesome male's eyes are filled with unshed tears, his chest heavy, his whole being unmoving as he knelt in front of the doorstep, frozen in fear and anguish and _denial_. 

_"I do, Elias. I love the world. It is beautiful albeit cruel."_

He hears the whispers hushed to his ears, remembers the images so clearly as they presented themselves in an act of a play, every memory unfolding in front of his tear-filled eyes, taunting him. 

_"I will fight for the world- for you. To save it."_

Oh how Crisostomo hates himself. He hates every fiber of his being, hates himself for every word he uttered, for every word that drove his beloved to sacrifice. He could've stopped him, he could've made a way.

_"No.. stay."_

He remembers the last night he spent with his beloved, resting in the embrace of his lover in a night so warm, yet with tears so cold. 

_"I will fight for the world you love."_

Elias told him then as they kissed, and Crisostomo clung onto him so tightly, out of love, out of fear, out of despair. He remembers every feeling of his lover's touches, and remembers how it delivered him to oblivion, every kiss and every intimate touch filled with fright and desperation. 

He hadn't said a word back in response to his lover's proclamation of being a soldier, but he did whisper lovingly,

_"Elias, I love you."_

And the day after was the worst. 

He remembers embracing Elias tightly from behind, sobbing and screaming as he tried pulling him back into their home, begging his lover to stay, he remembers his mantra,  _stay with me, stay with me, stay with me, stay with me, stay with me-_

Elias turned around to return the embrace, and he was shedding tears, the image still hurts Crisostomo, for it was an image so haunting. He remembers smiling sadly in the midst of his tears, and Elias kissed him tenderly before he said, 

_"Cris, my love, there is a sorrow in your smile."_

Crisostomo hated the pain. 

_"And Elias, my dear, there is joy in your tears."_

And that haunted him. 

_"I am happy that I will be able to fight for the world you love."_

Crisostomo remembers- remembers for it was all he could do, he remembers how Elias laughed and kissed him with the slightest hint of fear, and Crisostomo remembers the fear he so unshamedly displayed. 

_"But I grieve you leaving! Stay with me, please!"_

Crisostomo remembers every detail, remembers it like the quotes of his favorite poem, like the dialogue of his favorite novel, remembers Elias the way he remembers his own name. 

Elias kept smiling at him and the kiss they shared after was the last they ever had. 

_"I love you, Crisostomo Ibarra."_

And Crisostomo hears his own screams of despair when he watched his beloved turn around and leave. 

_"Elias!"_

That was two years ago. 

He spent his lonely days crying and clinging onto hope that Elias was alive, that his beloved would return, he clung onto faith, for he believed in God and believed in Elias, and when a knock on his door caught his attention, his hope disappeared. 

His hope disappeared, for Elias was gone. The news tore him and brought him to his knees, the man who delivered the news delivered not only words but also his beloved's  _salakot_ that he brought with him, for it had been a reminder of the day they first met. 

So Crisostomo embraced it, he trembled in such grief, and when he tried to utter his lover's name, he sobbed. 

He wailed and he mourned. His forehead against the cold floor wet from his unending tears, he screamed and screamed until his voice is broken, broken like his heart, broken like the sorrowful laugh in the midst of his sobs, like the sorrow in his smile that formed on his face. 

There were words left unsaid, and in his sleep, he dreams of Elias all the time,

_"Do you love the world?"_

and in his dream, he smiles and plants a kiss on Elias' lips. 

_"I do, for the world is you."_

But he wakes up everytime.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked this even though it's trash hahaha TvT


End file.
